i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
