i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
