My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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