We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
