True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
