Sry I called you an 8
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
