Is it because I queefed?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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