My Higher Power is John Stamos
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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