Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
