my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
