Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
