Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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