thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
