i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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