were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
