Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
