Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
