i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
