and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
