He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
