you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I forget how to act sober
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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