apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
