he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
