i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
