Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
