Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
