Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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