So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
