It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just had sex on a roof
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
