stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We left the knife in your bed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
