Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
