I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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