How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I believe in your delicious
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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