Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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