He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
