You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
