All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
