True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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