You're so nebulous sometimes
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
