Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
