Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
