PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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