The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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