If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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