Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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