Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
