i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
