It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
