you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
