I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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