Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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